Do childhood fascinations lead to one’s deepest desires in life?

After spending a couple hours in Madaba last Friday visiting several Orthodox parishes, we went to a special Mass at St. Charbel Catholic Parish for the members of Focolare (which my host family participates in), a religious movement whose focus is to promote unity between people from similar and different backgrounds, with its primary members being Roman Catholic, although members include other Christian denominations, and other religions. Arriving early to Mass, Rami and Lara, my host siblings, played with some of their friends for a while, running throughout the parking lot. Well, in the parking lot there is a tree, and every time that Rami ran by the tree, he would slow down and gaze at this tree. This did not just happen once, or twice. But every time that he ran by it, he would casually look in wonder at the tree.

For Rami, this is not his first time that a tree grabbed his attention. In my host family’s home, we have a large plant next to the couches in the TV room. Rami loves to lean over the end of the couch and play with this plant, even sometimes taking off its leaves. Another example is that every time we leave our fourth floor apartment, we push the button for the elevator. And while we wait for the elevator to make its way up, Rami loves to walk over to the fake tree standing in the corner by the elevator, and he reaches his hands out, grabbing the base of the tree, and attempting to bring it with him. This honestly happens every day.

I think I can say that Rami is obsessed with trees. There is something about trees, or plants in general, that has captured Rami. Every time he comes across them, he cannot but help to stop.

So where am I going with this? Well, for the past month that I have been living with this family, I have continually witnessed the fascinations of a child, and it has made me think about some of my own obsessions as a child, and I have thought about how those interests and desires have impacted my life up to this point.

What is the relationship between our obsessions, our desires, etc. as a child to those that we have as an adult? Do our childhood interests and fascinations ultimately lead to our desires and passions later in life?

As a child, my parents would tell you that I was obsessed with farms, playing with Legos and Playmobil (both which my mother refuses to give away), and probably the most significant fascination was law enforcement. For a very long time up through high school, I had dreams of working in law enforcement as my life’s career. Year after year, grade after grade, my desires to pursue that line of work continued to grow and progress from local law enforcement to state level to national level, and ultimately international.

I know now that as I continue to grow older and work towards the completion of my undergraduate studies (which is a lot closer than I think!), I will not be pursuing a career in law enforcement. But I would be lying if I said that those childhood dreams and desires, and even obsessions, did not have an influential role in making me the person that I am today, as well as influencing the person that I want to become.

In one of my college essays I alluded to my construction and passion of Legos. I loved the work needed to make a mega-city, or the teamwork involved in creating various Legos constructions with my classmates in the after-school program in elementary school. I used this as a metaphor to demonstrate that when I am passionate about something I invest my entire being into it, and the teamwork aspect reinforces in me the need to work with others and that relationships above many other things are more important and can have such a strong impact on the person that you are and the person you become.

I have always been an Action movies/TV series fan. From Chuck Norris to Keifer Sutherland to Will Smith movies, I have enjoyed ever one that has involved law enforcement and saving lives, whether it was throughout the state of Texas in Walker, Texas Ranger, or Keifer Sutherland as Jack Bauer in 24 saving the world (literally!), and Will Smith in Bad Boys as a member of Miami’s elite squad, the Tactical Narcotics Team. I would also be lying to you if I did not fantasize about being them in their roles in these TV series and movies. Sure their martial arts skills were impressive, and their commitment to justice inspiring, but I think my overall attraction to these movies and to a life in law enforcement was the ability to help others, whether that be one person or an entire country.

Now, looking back, which is good to do from time to time, I reflect on where I am coming and where I am going. I have been doing a daily mediation for the past 4 weeks now, from Mark Link, SJ’s “Challenge” and this past week I was reflecting and praying about the meaning of my life. It has been such a graceful and refreshing week, reminiscing over my past 20 years and looking forward to the years ahead of me. I find it amazing how different experiences, events, and people in my life have impacted me in such different ways and to various degrees. So who knows, maybe Rami’s love for trees will resurface again and again throughout his life, or maybe it is just his 4-year-old obsession.

I use my previous obsessions and desires as a way to see where I am grounded most. My love for Legos showed me how passion and love can affect an individual and as Fr. Arrupe, SJ said, “[love] can decide everything.” My desires to partake in law enforcement led me to hear and understand my call to help others and to serve those in the greatest need.